The only Republicans that aren't racist are the ones that criticize other Republicans. At that point, they stop being racist just long enough to finish their criticism and for me to quote them.

My strategy

My strategy is to find the most extreme and isolated individuals that no one has ever heard of and try to link them to mainstream conservatives. I do this by the following methods:

• Find an example where the isolated person attended the same conference as a mainstream Republican.
• Find an example where the isolated person praised a mainstream Republican (or Conservative).
• Find an example where the isolated person knows a person that knows a mainstream Republican.
• Find an example where the isolated person advocates one thing that a Republican also agrees with, no matter how basic or innocuous this position might be.

Once I find some example of this, I do the following:

• Shout "A- ha!!" as loud as I can (I also type PWNED and FAIL in my blog).
• Repeat the name of the isolated person in a hyphenated form with the name of whatever Republican I have been able to link them with over and over.

In this manner, I hope to ensure that the federal government takes over the health care industry without having to specifically advocate such a policy.

9-11 Truthers are really rightwingers

Here is my latest theory:

1) The 9-11 Truthers believe that Bush/Cheney staged 9-11.
2) Bush and Cheney are tools of the right wing.
3) Even though 9-11 Truthers blame rightwingers Bush/Cheney, the 9-11 Truthers are also rightwingers because one of them was on Fox News.

So we have rightwingers blaming other rightwingers for 9-11.

That logic was somewhat complicated, so maybe I will make it simpler for both of my remaining readers. Here is the new rule -

Anytime anyone does anything bad, that person is a rightwinger.

Wait. . . . . except for 9-11. I don't yet blame the rightwing for 9-11. That would make me a Truther - which would nullify this whole post. But no one reads my old posts anyway, so I have plenty of time for that later.

Greecers are Birthers

We have already established that Greecers are raaaaaaacists.

But now I can announce that they are Birthers too. They have imagined a place called "Greece," in which social chaos and unrest result from the government running out of money - as if that could happen.

I would bet that all of the people that the Greecers are accusing of being "Greek" are actually American citizens with legitimate birth certificates. This is just another way of marginalizing legitimate Americans by accusing them of having some connection to a foreign country. It won't work with the President, and it won't work with the "Greeks" either.

If someone accuses you of being "Greek," don't show them your birth certificate. Make them take you to court.

Ronald Reagan would support Obamacare

I saw a picture of a guy with a sign at a Tea Party rally with a misspelled word. Or maybe it had a picture of something I don't like. Or something. I forget.

Either way, Ronald Reagan would have been very unhappy with that sign. (I know because Ron Reagan Jr. said so.)

Therefore, Ronald Reagan would have supported Obamacare.

(Of course, I haven't given you my own opinion of Obamacare. Remember that whole testicle thing.)

Greecers are raaaaaaacist!!!!

Greecers are people that believe that a country called "Greece" is bankrupt and facing economic collapse and social unrest, and that this has some predictive relevance to all of the multi-trillion dollars of deficit spending in the U.S.

(The above link is to a previous post of mine. I did not link to an actual Greecer because, as you recall, I have no testicles.) (Again, another link to my own blog instead of someone else's - but I digress.)

Greecers are nothing but raaaaacists who hate Obama because he is black (I would normally say "African-American" instead of "black" but that might imply that he was born in Kenya, which has been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt IS NOT TRUE). Raaaaacists are more subtle than they used to be. Instead of criticizing Obama's skin color directly, they invent a mythical place called "Greece" and imply that Greece has run out of money, thus introducing fear of foreigners into the discussion also.

Here is the new "N-word" among right wingers - "A country called Greece ran out of money and can't provide government benefits and jobs like before because of too much spending, thus resulting in social unrest and societal collapse, just like what will happen in America soon if we don't stop spending money we don't have."

Anytime you hear someone say that, just picture them adding the word "boy" at the end. You will know what they REALLY believe.

Things I would do if I had testicles.

If I had not given my testicles to the Obama administration, I could do the following:

• Actually link to the people I attack so that the readers would have a clue what I was talking about and could decide for themselves.
• State actual opinions on policies, such as "the government should/should not take over the healthcare industry," or "spending a trillion dollars that our grandchildren can never repay is a good/bad idea" instead of simply attacking those who have viewpoints.
• Criticize actual positions, policies and philosophies instead of using the least articulate, most isolated advocates of those positions as leverage against the position itself.
• Admit that my own positions on issues have changed and try to explain why, instead of trying to argue that the entire conservative movement has suddenly become extreme overnight.

But there is not much danger of that happening, is there?

The Greek crisis hoax

Apparantly there is a new hoax going around the internet about how Greece is having financial trouble from too much government spending and that people are rioting in the streets and that somehow America will end up this way if we keep spending trillions of dollars with no way to pay it back.

I, for one, will not fall for it. Even if there is a country known as "Greece," it is doubtful that it will run out of money, as the government can always make more like we do here.

It is really amazing and laughable that so many rightwing blogs have fallen for this hoax and have actually repeated it on their websites. FAIL. PWNED. (I use lingo like "fail" and "pwned" to show how cool I am.)

From now on, those who believe that there is a country called "Greece" that is bankrupt and that this has something to do with the U.S. will be called "Greecers." But I will not link to them to prove it because:

1. That whole "lack-of-testicle" thing; and
2. Linking to the Greecers would be promoting hate and racism.

Now that I have disposed of this whole "Greece" thing, back to the real stories of the day:

1. Global warming is real.
2. The John Birch Society.
3. Evolution, evolution, evolution.
4. Everyone who disagrees with Obama once met a man who knew a man that may have been a "Birther" and must therefore be banned. And pwned.