Things I would do if I had testicles.

If I had not given my testicles to the Obama administration, I could do the following:

• Actually link to the people I attack so that the readers would have a clue what I was talking about and could decide for themselves.
• State actual opinions on policies, such as "the government should/should not take over the healthcare industry," or "spending a trillion dollars that our grandchildren can never repay is a good/bad idea" instead of simply attacking those who have viewpoints.
• Criticize actual positions, policies and philosophies instead of using the least articulate, most isolated advocates of those positions as leverage against the position itself.
• Admit that my own positions on issues have changed and try to explain why, instead of trying to argue that the entire conservative movement has suddenly become extreme overnight.

But there is not much danger of that happening, is there?

Health care debate? What Health Care Debate?

I heard somewhere that the President was trying to take over the health care industry. I won't write about it, except to accuse both sides of relying on "talking points" and attack the GOP for being "united in their anti-government message."

Blaming both sides is easy (because of that whole lack-of-testicle thing) and allows me to retain my credibility (heh) while I bravely focus on the real issues, such as the John Birch Society, the settled science of global warming, and the fact that all Republicans are Nazis.

All of the Republicans became racist at once for no reason.

All of the Republicans seemed to go crazy and become all racist and stuff at one time. Simultaneously. Just in the past couple of years. But I stayed normal.

I suppose as soon as a Republican is about to become President again I won't think they are racist anymore. I may live in California, but my testicles live at the White House.

It is raaaaaaaaaacist to criticize the President

Everyone who criticizes the President is RAAAAAAAAACIST!

But I rarely write my own opinion of the President or his policies. I merely attack his opponents.

If I were to write my own opinions, that would require me to regrow the testicles I cut off and mailed to the White House on inauguration day, 2009.